~MalignantApathy

Abuse a heart, and watch it fade

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Devious Journal Entry

Thu Apr 1, 2004, 5:18 PM

I hate you for this. For making me cry so much over something you seem to be taking to lightly. I hate you because your going on with your normal life as if nothing ever happened and leaving me in the dust. I hate because you dont love me the way you used to. I hate you because of what you've become. I hate you because of the things you make me endure on a daily basis. I hate you because you arent mine anymore. I hate you because I have to tolerate this shit. I hate you because I can't move on. I hate you because you expect me to. I hate you because of what your make me feel. I hate you because I feel like there is nothing without you. I hate you because my world revolves around your smile. I hate you because I can't ever hate you. I hate what you are now, and I hate that I can't do anything to change that. So now instead, I hate myself. For making that decision. I hate myself for not cherishing you enough all those times I needed to. I hate myself because another man will soon bask in the perpetual glow of your essence. You'll smile upon him, and he'll feel like the luckiest man alive. I however, will be digging my own grave at the bottom of this bottle.
Hoping I never wake up from that medicated dream, all I can hope for now is to die in my sleep. The sweet escape. And the realization of knowing that we'll both be happy.

5 Comments

Devious Comments

~~love 0 0~~

~~joy 0 0~~

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

~k0i Apr 1, 2004, 7:25:30 PM

Maybe you should try and do something, go somewhere, that will take your mind off her... ...easier said than done, I know, I hope things will get better man

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| :\3AAA-J78/: |[link]

~fuckpicasso Apr 2, 2004, 7:39:09 AM

well i am angry at her for not telling me the truth, i am angry at her for coming up with lame xcuses, i mean they only made me fucking mad- they made/make me feel like a retarded asshole-- but yes she is great yes im lucky i met her-SHES lucky she met me-- one thing im sure of in life is that nothing ever goes according to what we plan>> nothing is ever as sweet as we imagine it once its gone-- nothing is better that memories we wish we had- nothing is worse than wishing to change the past-- i kno i fucked up- she knos she fucked up--so what? what do we have now? where do we go from here? what do we all do when times like these come to us?? i for one get sad>mad>depressed>

isssed> crazy>stupid i dont kno. thing in life, in relatioships are sooo over the top, who dares tell me what my relationship shoud be. if they do they are fools- i kno what i have to do, i kno what feels right, and i kno that if i do something wrong or if some shit happens, well there will be us-- u kno people are people, im not perfect- she is not perfect- but i take her as she is- she takes me as crazy and stupid as i can get -- we r not together no- i have hater her manny ocations - manny times i have wanted to be gone- literally dead-- but i kno i cant do that to myself-- because i matter most of alll-- if someone doesnt love me well TOO BAD for them cuse they are the ones missing out.. time does amazing things to us- it can make us and destroy us
i am broken but i dont need to be fixed, i like my defects i like my scars, i love the way i got them and the things they gave me

~fuckpicasso Apr 2, 2004, 7:42:04 AM

HEY I DIDNT PUT THAT FUCKING SMILEY FACE IN MY NOTE!!!!!!!! WHAT GIVES DAMIIT?
the whole fucking thing got ruined-- it trhows of the mood of the note completellyy WHAT THE HELL!!!!!
see what i tell you about thing working out as you want them too!
fuck almost never happen
anyway take care bye