Thank you everyone. For the positive & sometimes not so positive comments. I appreciate either or. I've been getting great feedback from a lot of people lately. More notably, Shes very precise with her comments, and covers everything down to the very last detail. More people should be like her lol. Regardless, thank you everyone for the comments! :hugs: for all

5:27 am. Feb.


I'm slowly decaying inside. My life, by the second, becomes more and more complicated. Inoperable tumors form in the corners of my mind. There isn't anything in this world that would help me right now. Except maybe, death? Sometimes I wonder how different things would be without me here. Better, worse, the same? I've destroyed lives, hearts and minds. I need to snuff out the pain, but the conventional ways of doing so are way to harsh. Death may be the answer, but unfortunatly I am too considerate for that. I wonder why I havent already? Why I havent snuffed out the pain by means of a fatal kind. There was a point in my life where I didn't care about people or myself. A point where driving a butcher knife into my neck would have been a great escape. It's actually pretty sad. I pity the suicidal, I see them as pathetic. And here I am, with tales of lacerated necks and bloody knives. But frankly, sometimes I dont blame them. Sometimes I look into their eyes and see nothingness. A hallow space where their innocense once was. And at that moment, I feel something inside me. A feeling that seldom insues, A feeling that only the empty eyes could bring. I can relate to that person. I see that empty space, and look into myself through the reflection in their eyes. Feels like shit. There is nothing to fill that void. All the booze and medication in the world couldnt drown out the feeling of emptyness. I wonder what the hell my purpose on earth is. I cant remember the last time I've done something to better myself, or the people around me. Aside from the fact that I consider surviving another day an acomplishment, I've done nothing. If I were to die tonight, I wonder what characteristic would make me most memorable? Maybe my cynicism? Maybe my overal synthetic friendliness? I dont know. If I were to die, I'd be at peace. Dying is something most people dread. However, in times like these, I pray for it. Then again, I dont know. The way that I see it, someone who wants to die, wants to until the moment before they actually do. Then they regret ever asking for that. Which would most likely be the case for me. I have a lot of things to look forward to. But then again, why hope for things when you arent sure if you'd live through the night? Hopes are just another form of a cocktease. Hopes are wet dreams until they happen. A bullet between the eyes of every person with a fucked up life. I dont believe in hoping, I believe in doing. And I havent done much.

I just needed to let all my friends something. Recently, I've noticed a lot of you are leaving one word comments. " nice, awesome, cool, K3WL!!! " These are highly unappreciated. Dont get me wrong, I do enjoy the fact that you take time out of your life to view my shitty work, but please, tell me I suck once in a while. Everyone is so optimistic about my work. Sure, there are a few pieces I love and im sure you do it. But theres also a lot of room for constructive critism. And I emphasize that, CONSTRUCTIVE critism. Dont use this journal as an excuse to tell me how much I blow whale cock at manips, cause then I'll be forced to shove a sodering iron in your rectum and crank it up to high heat. Please, gimme valid feedback. I wanna see the good, the bad, the ugly. During my whole stay at Deviant, has done nothing but just that. Giving me pointers ect. A lot of you who are on my friends list are a lot better than me in certain areas. So use that expertise and gimme some freakin' pointers. Anyways thats all I needed to say. If I came off as an absolute cunt, then im sorry --- pffft, actually im not. I am a cunt

Love you all --- Jaysin.

P.S. - Thanks to & for the brushes I've used, and will continue to use in the pieces to come.

Im writing this simply because I was sick of looking at my previous journal. So here I am.

ummmmm....I just ate breakfast....it was quite delicious....I had....fried swine.....and some chicken babies.....and.....some ears of wheat that were condensed and shaped into squares.....and........some orange juice. Yes this is the story of my pathetic life. Writing a journal about the breakfast I ate, in an attempt to please you people. THERES NO PLEASING YOU!!!! >.< No one leaves comments anyways. Your all a bunch of cigerettes! Yea...that was the best I could come up with, though hopefully if you've seen clerks ( tv series ) you'll know what im refering to when I call you a cigerette which makes it all the more insulting if you in fact have. I wont waste anymore of your time, thanks to all the artists that have commented on my page this month and have looked at my work. And thanks to all my friends who watch me ect. Love you guys !

I recently joined this group

: is the new group I joined